kmattshoes

In Matthew 12, Jesus tells the Pharisees that he wants them to show mercy, not offer sacrifices. Seems like a simple point made to men who were consumed with their efforts to fulfill the law, please God and hopefully earn his favor. Phew, glad that doesn’t still happen today.

We live in a world today where we no longer build temples or worship idols, or try to earn God’s favor. Oops. I guess things haven’t changed as much as we’d thought.

How much of my time do I spend trying to please God? Honestly I think I’ve confused finding pleasure with my own behavior as a means to pleasing God. When I feel like I’m doing the right things, then surely he’s pleased, surely I have his favor.

This simply isn’t true. I’m so focused on what I can give him, that I completely lose sight of what it is he’s asking me to do. There was a worship song I used to play all the time that even encouraged it…”It’s not what you can give, but what I alone can give to you.” Wow, can’t believe I actually sang that to God. It has nothing to do with me.

I’ve been thinking lately about how my “relationship with God” is way too much about me. It’s always “me” focused. How do I feel? What has God done for ME? How does God feel about ME? What else should I be doing? How else can I please him? What else should I be sacrificing? God forbid a big piece of this puzzle has nothing to do with ME.

Show mercy, don’t offer sacrifices. It is a simple request that has totally been lost on most of us. In return for the sacrifices we make, we expect something from God. I believe this is one reason why he doesn’t want us to focus on sacrifice. We’ve been raised in a world where sacrifice is expected to return to us some kind of reward. We don’t know how operate apart from some sort of reward system.

We have our reward already. The most beautiful, perfect reward we could ever receive. Yet, it’s not enough. We need to make ourselves “feel” a certain way. We pursue all kinds of empty wells to make this happen. The idea of showing mercy to someone else has escaped us.

Who needs to be shown mercy? The list for all of us is long, but the problem is our eyes aren’t open to see it. There are needs all around us. There is hurt all around us. Go out and find it. Find it, and do something about it. And when you do something about it, don’t tell us on Facebook.

Our reward is not to be found on this earth. Show mercy when no one is looking.

There’s a perfect place to start. God finds pleasure in that…After all, haven’t we been shown mercy beyond anything we deserve?

With all the consuming we do in the holiday season, here is an opportunity for a little investment to go a long way.

Lori and did this last year for several of our gifts, and plan on doing the same this year. Please consider doing this, for $20 you are truly helping change someone’s life. You can even track your stove and see where it is being used.

It couldn’t be easier to get involved in changing lives.

Watch the video below, and click here to get involved.

Give a Stove this Holiday – The Adventure Project Campaign on Vimeo from The Adventure Project on Vimeo.

I need to read this every day, it couldn’t be more true of me. Thanks to Jody Landers for sharing this…

Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God. A little criticism make me angry, and a little rejection makes me depressed. A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me. It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down. Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves. All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival: not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me. . . As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain “hooked” to the world–trying, failing, and trying again. It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.

Nouwen

I struggle to write these words. I fear that even in talking about ego, it’s inevitable that it feeds my ego. I decided awhile ago to stop blogging for a season. I’m most likely going to continue taking a break but this is something that has been on my mind. Ego. I have it, you have it…we all have it. In fact, it’s easier than ever to feed it and believe that our individual lives are the center of everything. Facebook, Twitter, and blogs help perpetuate narcissism, of which I am guilty. It’s so easy to type these words and just throw them out there for anyone to read, and furthermore assume that I have something worth saying that the world (or my small circle of influence) needs to hear. Look at me, aren’t I great?

That was sarcasm by the way…Or was it? I’d sure like for you to think I’m great. That’s just the honest and painful truth.

I’ve had the privilege through the years with my band, and the years I spent as a pastor to encounter many different people from church and ministry leaders and even a few famous people along the way. I’d list them here, but honestly I’d just be feeding my ego. In fact, I just fed it by telling you I’ve met famous people…I digress. Anyway, there’s something that most of them had in common. Ego…I’m sad to report once again that I have it too. It’s driven me crazy over the years. Who does that guy think he is? He’s supposed to be the senior leader of a church, or a figure that has influence over countless people? How does God let such self centered ego maniacs function in those roles?

I’m constantly shocked by it. Honestly, I could tell you stories that would make you choke. The irony is someone somewhere could tell a story about me that would evoke the same reaction. Sure, I could defend myself or explain my way out, but perception is reality. I know, I know…you’re different.

I’m not trying to accuse every Christian leader or person who has influence of being an ego maniac, I’m accusing all of us. I’m telling you, it’s pretty much impossible to escape. Maybe Mother Teresa is the only one outside of Jesus who didn’t have an ego problem, but I doubt it. It’s just too enticing. That’s why I’m struggling with whether or not to keep writing. I enjoy seeing my thoughts typed out, it helps me process things. I hope that it encourages someone else, but I also hope that it improves peoples opinions of me. Each status update in FB or picture I post is immediately followed by an obsession to see who commented, or who cares.

I don’t want to live in that sad existence, and I hope you don’t either. I’ve been intentionally unplugging myself over the last season to press into my relationship with God. Who he says I am is all that really matters. The more I find my value in anything else, the further I feel from him.

There is something about all the years I spent in ministry that has messed me up, messed up my perception of Gods role in my life. I don’t think this happens to everyone, but it happened to me. As I navigate my way through it, I’ve realized how much of myself is wrapped up in my ego. Other people’s ego drives me nuts, and it’s because I see too much of myself in them.

We all live there, we just don’t have the courage to admit it most of the time.

So, I’m admitting it in hopes that it will encourage me to leggo me ego. It’s only brought me temporary joy, but mostly pain. I can never truly know God’s love for me as long as I’m hiding behind my ego. We all have to purge the things that feed our ego in order to experience true intimacy with God. Are you willing to let go of those things, even if they are “good” things? Am I willing?

The first step is admitting we have a problem.

Click on the link at the end of the video and your voice can be heard.

I say quite often that adopting has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I’m not kidding, I don’t think anything compares. The last 19 months of our lives have been crazy on top of adopting, but adoption itself takes the cake. It’s a strange thing to fight, scrape, pray and wait for something for so long, and then struggle so much once you have what you wanted.

Dealing with something that day in and day out takes the best of you, is something I hadn’t experienced before. It hasn’t ended yet. What a selfish statement I made to start off this blog! What about my son? Don’t you think it’s been hard on him? Yes, of course it has.

I think adoption is more of a violent collision of expectations than it is the famous “forever family.” I also think that it’s beautiful and necessary. Pretty sure God doesn’t just ask us to do things that are easy. In scripture we see those that claim to love him deeply suffer and profoundly fail in their pursuit of him. I am no different. You are no different. To think that we are is foolish.

I read something from another adopted parent recently that spoke to me so deeply. Dealing with a child that has deep attachment issues isn’t easy, loving them is even harder. That’s the honest truth. The writer said that they are just a lump of behaviors, and you can’t love behavior. You can still love though.

I realized that I have tried for a long time to love behavior. Not only in my son who’s behavior I won’t detail here, but in those around me. So much of the time I love or dislike the behavior I see in someone versus really loving them. Other times I’m great at not just looking at someone’s behavior. Of course, I’m better at that when it doesn’t directly affect me. How selfish is that?

This is the essence of God’s love for us. He doesn’t look at us as a lump of behaviors, he see’s much more than that. This is something that I struggle to rest in because I have such a hard time affording others the same privilege. I know that if I truly love him with all my heart, that loving others the same way is a natural outflow of that. So, the core of who I am isn’t the behaviors I struggle with, it’s the love I have for Jesus. Wow. Then, what does that look like with my adopted son?

My role isn’t to “fix” his behavior. It’s somehow in the chaos to let him know that there is nothing he could do to make me love him any less. I confess I haven’t done a good job of that but I am honestly trying. I think that this struggle with him has poured over into expectations with friends as well. I’m in a bit of a desert with friendship as of late, and I’m sure this has something to do with it.

I don’t want God to love me for my behavior, so I need to stop trying to fix myself, children, spouse or anyone else. Our behavior is only occasionally lovable at best, and that’s not good enough for anyone. God grant us the strength to give up on performing and walk into the perfect love and rest he has for us. That’s the only way my son…I mean myself, will every truly find peace.

Please follow this link to join the Adventure Project and view my fundraising page.

Every minute three children die because they lack access to simple medicines that cost less than a cup of coffee.

I think that’s unacceptable.

And there is something we can do.

The Adventure Project (http://theadventureproject.org) is partnering with revolutionary health program in Uganda. Living Goods trains female entrepreneurs to become Community Health Promoters. Each women cares for 125 households in her community, keeping approximately 700 people healthy.

It’s an exciting opportunity to invest in a better world. Thanks for joining me!

Living Goods’ franchisee Eva delivers essential healthcare to the doorsteps of the poor. from Living Goods on Vimeo.

I’ve spent most of my life trying to gain my independence. Not long after I was born I started to exert my will on my parents. Granted, I don’t remember this but I’ve seen it played out with my own children. I know that I was no different. As a child grows, he or she sets out on a journey of independence from their parents, a journey of being able to take care of oneself and live independently from their family. I sent my oldest off to school a few weeks ago, and I’m experiencing this in a different role this time. It hurts a lot more than I thought it would. Even though it’s just the beginning.

After spending most of my life separating from my family to be a independent person, ironically the last thing I want to do is let go of my children, but I know I need to. It makes me wonder what God feels when we try to exert our will on him. He gives us so much freedom in our choices, yet he knows how destructive those choices can be. We weren’t created to live independently of him, yet he gives us the freedom to choose it.

Independence leads to isolation. I don’t think I need to state much of a case for what isolation does to people. I’ve seen what it can do in my life, and the lives of others. In the film “Into the Wild,” it takes the main character Chris an entire journey of trying to live independently of people to realize his need for people. He says that “Happiness is only real when shared;” which he writes in his journal just days before dying alone. So why the obsession with independence? Why don’t we pursue dependence? We waste so much time and energy trying to separate ourselves from others to make ourselves feel like we’re different, like we’re somehow more special.

Each one of us IS special. There are so many things that God put in us to set us apart.  My mentor always says that there is no one more gifted or talented to do what God has asked me to do, than me. The key is to take that concept and stop trying to live independently dependent on God. We need him, and we need each other.

So, I’ve decided it’s time for a Declaration of Dependence. Time to stop trying to prove that I measure up, or I’m somehow better. Time to stop all the wasted effort of trying to separate myself from the pack. The crazy thing is that as I do this, I feel more and more at peace. It helps me to care less about what others think of me. In turn, my boys will see what a journey to dependence looks like.

Ecclesiastes 4:10 says; “If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.” Declaring dependence is admitting need. Admitting need is the opposite of independence. I don’t want to fall down alone. Maybe you’re not sure about the idea of dependence on God. Trying it in the context of relationships with others is a great place to start.

I can’t do this alone…Who’s with me?

I had to do a quick post about what Katie Davis (Amazima Ministries) is doing, and my buddy Dave. I can’t read her blog without a lump in my throat. She is one of the greatest examples of someone truly giving her life away, nothing less than everything. It’s so inspiring and yet discouraging at the same time. Reading about her sacrificial journey evokes feelings of compassion, and some guilt. I ask myself; what am I really doing? What have I given up? I think I’m big stuff because I gave up cable and sold some things I don’t need. I’m not trying to discount those in America who are trying to live on less, but wow. My idea of need is a bit warped I think.

My friend Dave turned me on to Katie’s blog last fall, at which time Lori reminded me she had been trying to get me to read it. I should probably listen to her more often. Anyway, Dave’s been on a journey of purging things out of his life as well, and God has really used him to challenge me. As long as I’ve known Dave he’s been an inspiration as I’ve seen him continue to trust God in the midst of some pretty crappy circumstances. He’s one of my hero’s. He’s supported me so much through the past season and really the whole time I’ve known him.

Dave and his wife are some of the most unique and special people I know. They truly live a life where they hold on loosely to things, and tightly to Jesus. Check out his blog here, and also check out Scum of the Earth Church (1 Cor 4:11-13), where he works. The whole staff lives off of support, they don’t take any money from the till. They are selling Hot Sauce right now to raise money for repairs to their building in downtown Denver, here’s another link if you’d like to buy some.  Also, Dave is looking for more people to support him personally, so please let me know if you’d like to help him out. I lived off of support for a year and I know how hard it is.

My hope is that you’ll be inspired to make a difference, right where you are…today. There are needs all around us, we often choose not to see them.

Also, here is a link to Katie’s blog. If you look to the right of my page you’ll find a link to the ministry. They are another amazing ministry to get behind. Here are a few of my favorite quotes that I keep repeating to myself…

“We have been so loved. The only thing we know to do with that love is give it away.”  -Katie Davis

“This morning I bend low, clasp his feet, whisper thank you that he can use my broken self to heal another and another. His love spills out and we spill over-terrified and full, so full of joy.”  -Katie Davis

Let’s all bend low today, and every day.

Music has been a big part of my life ever since I picked up a guitar in the fall of 1995. I remember as a kid watching my dad play, and watching my uncle play as well. I remember thinking it was one of the coolest things a person could do. I spent a lot of time listening to music and dreaming about being a guitar player, but I never even had the chance to pick one up until college. Once I did, I was hooked. Within a few months I was writing songs and I’d play for anyone that would listen.

At the time I never dreamed that I’d be able to do what I’ve done over the last 16 years. Mind you, I’m not saying I became a rock star or anything but music has been a catalyst for so many things in my life. My band Cede got to do some amazing things and it was one of our trips overseas where God started to plant the adoption seed in our hearts. I was able to see some amazing things happen, and able to play at some incredible places with incredible people.

I remember when the band came to an end, I felt so lost. It had been all I wanted and now it was gone. Granted, I made the choice to let it go but it was so hard to move on. I still had an outlet though. I went on to continue working in churches, and was up on a stage leading worship several times a week. It wasn’t like it was with the band, but I was still able to play. In the past several years I’ve been playing music, but on a much smaller scale. Being that I’ve been in Colorado Springs so long I have people call me from time to time to lead worship or play somewhere. It’s getting to be less and less though.

Last week I sold a guitar that I really loved. I just don’t use it anymore and I felt like God was asking me to let it go, to let go of the past. This was not easy, but something I knew that I needed to do. I still have a guitar, and I still plan to play some but I’m realizing that things are changing. It’s both good and bad. Something that was a centerpiece of my life is pretty much gone now. I’m not closed to new opportunities, but at the same time I’m seeing that God is pointing me in a new direction.

God has used music to teach me so much about himself, to teach me about what it means to worship him with more than singing. Ironically that journey has led me almost completely out of the music world. Sure, I could go out and play coffee shops or try and record more music but I feel like it’s not what I’m supposed to do. I don’t think he’s telling me to give up on playing, but he’s continuously asking me to give up the things I hold on to. I know I’ll still have opportunities to serve him with my gifts, but I’m content now to do it in whatever context he asks. It’s just another thing that I need to give up, and give to him. I want what I do in the future to be on his terms and not mine.

It’s eye opening to see how you define yourself. Ultimately I’m not a guitar player, I’m not a dad or a pastor, best friend, husband or son. I’m who God says I am, period. Once we understand this, there is so much freedom. I don’t have to define myself by what I do, or what I don’t do. I’m free to be his son, his light in whatever context I find myself in.

Maybe God’s asking you to give something up. Do you have the courage to do it? I know I don’t, but I’ve seen him give me the courage over and over again lately. I’m telling you, laying things down before him is one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done. I’ve sung songs about it for a long time, but now I’m actually doing it. If I get the chance to sing about it again in the future it will feel a lot different, but that’s exactly what God wants. So, ask God what he wants you to lay down and don’t just sing it to him like I did, or just use words. Go out and do it, lay it down before Him and enjoy a new freedom. It will cost you something though; nothing less than everything. Are you willing to try?